Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
