Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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