We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
