I'm really into asian looking animals
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
