did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
