k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
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Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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