I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
