we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
