i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
