you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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