Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
