It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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