Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
