it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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