If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
