I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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