We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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