Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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