his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
