Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
