Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
