Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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