I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
