After last night, I could never be a politician.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
