Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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