dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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