I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
