i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
