I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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