we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
