its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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