there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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