Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
