It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
