i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
