saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
