Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
