i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
