put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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