the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
