I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
