I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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