Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
