Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
