I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
