So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
