haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hello my rib-scented angel!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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