so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
