He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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