hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
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captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can you bring me the toilet please
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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