so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
