Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
