Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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