Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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