turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
