Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
