why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
