the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
