Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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