hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
