i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Oh god it's open bar.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
