we made out on top of his cat.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
