I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
