So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
