dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
