so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
