dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
